Alright, grab your calculator and a pint, because, unwittingly, the RFU and National League Rugby have truly cooked up a masterpiece of chaos for this season’s finale. We aren’t just looking at a “tasty” finish, we are looking at a full-blown rugby apocalypse in National League 2 West.
Here is the situation, padded with enough hyperbole and cold, hard stats to satisfy even the most demanding West Bank pundit.
Ignore the title race? Impossible. The Cherry and Whites are currently perched atop the league with 101 points and a staggering points difference of +399. They have crossed the whitewash more times than most teams have had hot dinners, racking up 19 try bonus points from 23 matches.
With only 3 games remaining, they need just 5 points to officially hammer the final nail into the promotion coffin. If they maintain the insane scoring average of 41 points per game, they won’t just be promoted, they’ll be catapulted into National 1 on a wave of Doombar and total dominance.
The “Silver Medal” Slap-Fight betwixt Luctonians and Hinckley is also shaping up to be a thing of beauty.
While Camborne checks the map for National 1 clubs, the battle for 2nd is a absolute pressure cooker.
Luctonians (2nd, 91pts), have ground out 18 victories and boast the league’s meanest defense, conceding only 19.6 points per game.
Hinckley (3rd, 86pts), the offensive juggernaut. With 20 try bonus points (more than even Camborne!), they are a “points-or-bust” machine. The “we’ll just score more points than yous lot” attitude might push them into the play-offs yet.
The gap is 5 points. One slip-up or one failed bonus point and the promotion play-off spot, vanishes into the ether.
The Relegation Meat-Grinder has a part to play in the race to the top.
Next week is where the “kitchen sinks” start flying. Luctonians and Hinckley aren’t playing mid-table also-rans, they are playing teams with their heads in the guillotine and feet in the fire.
Syston are already gone, but Exeter University (47pts) and Loughborough Students (51pts) are locked in a frantic academic balls-to-the-wall battle to avoid the drop. When a team is fighting for its very existence in the National Leagues, statistics go out the window and pure, unadulterated desperation takes over.
The wounded lion that is Chester will be making a Rorke’s Drift-like Last Stand too…and you know you should never corner a lion, wounded or otherwise.
Chester are sitting 11th with 56pts, they’re currently sitting on the jagged edge of safety. Their defense has been… let’s call it “generous,” shipping 822 points so far. But at Hare Lane, they become a different beast.
Don’t think Camborne can just coast home. Their run-in is a thankless gauntlet of banana skins and turtle shells (IYKYK).
Cinderford: A side that can beat anyone on their day and sits comfortably in the top half.
Luctonians: A potential “Winner Takes All” (or at least “Winner Ruins the Party”) clash at Mortimer Park.
Chester: A final-day trip to The Rec for a Chester side that might be playing for their lives.
We’re looking at a mathematical minefield. With 15 potential points still on the table for every team, and the gap between automatic promotion, “Play-off Glory” and “Mid-table Obscurity” thinner than a referee-with-an-itchy-arse’s patience, this could easily be the most volatile end to a season in years.